Friends, Partners, and Lovers by Kevin A. Thompson

Author:Kevin A. Thompson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Love & Marriage;REL012050;FAM030000
ISBN: 9781493407323
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2017-03-20T16:00:00+00:00

Communication and Respect

Respect creates good communication, and good communication deepens respect. If I respect my spouse, I will

want to know her

want to be known by her

be willing to listen

give her the attention she needs to communicate to me

refuse to make any assumptions regarding her opinions or ideas

not belittle her

not caricature her (e.g., “all women are emotional”)

understand she is a complex person whom I do not fully know

speak to her and not at her

listen when spoken to

give her ample time for communication to take place

clearly show my desire for her to communicate with me

reveal my heart to her

While respect is an internal feeling of admiration, it expresses itself through action. A person can’t claim to respect their spouse if their actions do not clearly reveal that. Yet acting respectfully is the best way to grow feelings of respect.

Having a temporary disagreement or miscommunication is not evidence of an absence of respect; it is evidence of two different people trying to understand one another. However, if there is a pattern that proves communication is difficult regarding an issue, the root problem is likely a lack of respect.

Can’t talk about money? Do you respect the financial decisions of your spouse?

Can’t talk about sex? Do you respect the sexual desires of your spouse?

Can’t talk about kids? Do you respect your spouse as a parent?

When certain topics are off-limits between a couple, it is likely a sign that respect is lacking in that area. Where a lack of communication indicates a lack of respect, good communication can often rebuild the trust.

Jeremy and Sarah cannot talk about money. Every time they begin the discussion, a fight breaks out. The issue is that Sarah doesn’t respect Jeremy when it comes to money. She pays the bills, knows the bank balance, and tries to save a little money toward retirement. Jeremy simply spends money. While their relationship is strong in many areas, money is the main area of frustration. Time has taught them to ignore the issue in order to avoid a fight. Yet ignoring topics is not the pathway to a healthy relationship. For a meaningful partnership to develop, Jeremy and Sarah need to learn how to communicate about the topic without arguing. They don’t have to agree, but they do need to negotiate a working plan of action that can be revisited when the issue needs to be discussed.

If the couple has a strong friendship, it can assist their partnership. When communication about an issue is difficult, the issue is normally within the partnership of the relationship. But instead of discussing it like partners, a healthy couple can discuss it like friends.

Friends listen. They don’t judge. They don’t condemn. They are more concerned with hearing their friend’s heart than persuading their friend to think exactly like them. This is why it is often easy to communicate with friends. Friends communicate respectfully—no name calling, no shame, no judgment, empathic listening, and a true desire to understand what the other person thinks and feels.

Too often, couples fail to communicate like friends.

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